[#CoachTom Commentary] There is stress and there is Eustress. Reframing allows for additional perspectives to emerge. Treat disagreements as a debate of ideas, rather than an indictment of the person. Use the Four-Player model to explore possibilities and see from the other person’s viewpoint.
Keys to Coping: A Blueprint for Stress Management
You sit with your hands clutched to the steering wheel, your stress level rising by the minute. There are a thousand things you need to get done today. Familiar? You may find that your days are highly stressful—and your nights might be as well. The good news is that there are techniques you can use in order to bring your stress level under control. One technique is to reframe. For instance, suppose you have had a disagreement with your co-worker. You’re worried that you will never be able to enjoy camaraderie with your co-worker again. As a result, your stress level has hit the roof.
You’ll be much better off if you see the disagreement as a challenge you must simply work your way through. Look at the debate as a discussion between two or more intelligent people. Try your best to see the other person’s perspective. Consider the dialogue as a debate of the idea – and do not take it personally. In this way, you’ll be engaging in a generative conversation, and your stress may be reduced because of it. The Four-Player model can help us understand a team in its interactions. It focuses on the dynamics that result from having four different roles – movers, followers, opposer, and observer.
Yet another stress management technique you can use is learning to control your anger. It is often not a particular situation, but your reaction to it, that causes your stress level to climb. When you find yourself becoming angry, redirect your energy. Think of something relaxing, such as a forest or a seashore. Let the waves or the trees carry your anger away. The old adage, “Don’t go to bed angry,” is a motto you should live by. The less anger you experience, the less stressed out you will feel.
Another stress reliever is to find ways to boost your self-esteem. Being hard on yourself can produce a great deal of stress. Once you recognize that you are a person worthy of love, you will be better able to cope with the stressors that come your way. Exercise is one route you can take in order to feel better about yourself. It’s a proven fact that individuals who exercise have better outlooks on life.
Stress relief is an on-going process. You can’t expect to reduce your stress-level permanently in one day. But, by taking the steps listed above, you might find yourself better able to deal with stress on a daily basis. Remember that you may not be in complete control of what happens to you on any given day, but you can control your reaction to it. By focusing on the positive, putting an end to negative thinking, and setting goals for yourself, you should find your stress level declining. With less stress to worry about, you’ll find that life is more enjoyable. Even that challenging daily commute might become more tolerable.
Coach Tom is an Official Member of the Forbes Coaches Council (2022). Check out the various articles by #CoachTom on leadership, organization transformation, strategy and coaching at: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/people/thomaslim
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