[Coach Tom] Similar to happiness, self-esteem is a mental condition that can bring about feelings of confidence, cheerfulness, and contentment. Conversely, it can also cause a sense of weakness, worthlessness, and undesirability. A fitting analogy for self-esteem would be a potent battery that can either empower an individual with high confidence levels and motivation when fully charged, or make them feel dejected and demotivated when depleted.
Is this your observation – that individuals with low self-esteem generally fail to do well in life? Do they approach every issue with a lack of confidence even though they may be fully capable of doing that job? If these observations were true – then we can extrapolate that self-belief is therefore the bedrock of self-esteem, and generates the conditions for thriving lives. Self-esteem gives an individual the extra confidence that makes all the difference between an achiever and a failure.
So how do you inculcate a sense of self-belief in yourself? What you need is a mindset and a regime that encourages healthy self-esteem building. This means that you should look at yourself as an individual who is at par or better yet, first among equals. You approach issues with a positive frame of mind. Healthy self-esteem also means that you are able to differentiate between humility and self-effacement, between arrogance and modesty, between complacency and hyperactivity.
To do so, you must learn to accept yourself as any other individual who will have some strengths and some weaknesses, and who will have some good days and some bad days. You must learn to ride out the good with the bad. Most important, you must believe in the clichéd saying that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. It will give you the confidence and self-belief that every individual needs in his bad moments. This is what self-esteem is all about – a self-belief in oneself.
Another important thing about self-esteem is the need to look at it as a single entity. Many people derive great happiness from their accomplishments. Their self-esteem rises when they are in the company of people who acknowledge their success. However, the same self-esteem plunges when they are in a family group where they are not accepted with the same degree of warmth. They feel unhappy, and neglected, and avoid mixing with their family members. This is escapism. It will gnaw away an individual’s self-esteem till he becomes lonely and unhappy. It will also impact on his professional work at some point of time or the other.
To improve your self-esteem, you also need to be fair to yourself. Very often individuals are very harsh on themselves when things go wrong. They plunge into a state of depression, and allow guilt to consume them. It is quite possible that their decision may have brought misfortune upon a family or a company that trusted them. But over-reaction will not change things. All individuals must judge their actions fairly. Self-flagellation is the worst form of defeat. It weakens individuals, and destroys their self-esteem.
Coach Tom is an Official Member of the Forbes Coaches Council (2023). Check out the various articles by #CoachTom on leadership, organization transformation, strategy and coaching at: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/people/thomaslim and connect with him at: https://linktr.ee/coachtomlim